Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
