dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
