what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
