i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
