I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
