any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
