My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I feel great
I just peed on a car
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
