Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize