he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
