eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
