I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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