6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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