the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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