I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
