alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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