these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
