I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
