just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
