i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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