remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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