fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
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