I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
