He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
