Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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