I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
