I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
