Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
