dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
