But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
