maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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