When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
