I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
