i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
