you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
