I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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