she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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