I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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