Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
