You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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