i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
