i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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