I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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