every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
