i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
