Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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