I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
