These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
