Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
