Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
