So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
