Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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