just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
