He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
