i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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