he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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