You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My vagina is officially offended.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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