she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
