i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
