youre lurking in front of me
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize