eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
