We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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