have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize