You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
