i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
