party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
