Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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