Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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