I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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