if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
