i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize