Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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