did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
