At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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