if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
