just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
