the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize