I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
