She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize