I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
