I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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