Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
