We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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