Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize