god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
