do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
