you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize