I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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