Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
how drunk are you?
Several
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
